I've been feeling vaguely unsettled the last few days. . . I haven't felt this far off my pins since right before I got married. I think that all the changes in my life are finally starting to sink in. In just a few weeks, I've lost most of the direction in my life: my job and my book both finished at the exact same time. Don't get me wrong; there's a ton of work to do -- mostly leftover stuff that got shoved aside during the mad race for ALA -- but it's all little tasks, and none of them really belonging to a larger structure. I'm having to make lists in order to keep myself busy.
In the cracks between things, the self-doubt's really starting to creep in. I think it's kind of like having my mental immune system compromised; when I don't keep busy enough, I start to be able to hear the piping little failure-voices at the edges of my consciousness. It also doesn't help that I've dropped a couple balls recently (not going to talk about them here, but if you want to know, drop me an email or a phone call) and it's left me a bit shakey on trusting my ability to keep on top of things.
I know the way out of this is to get prepared and re-lay the organizational structure that got trashed during the last six months, but even as I do so, I see all the places where I only kept things together by spit and baling wire. So, lots of notations in MS Entourage. Lots of lists. Lots of notes.
And also -- If you're reading this, and I've said I'd do something for or with you in the last four to six months, and I haven't come through yet, or haven't responded, please do ping me now and remind me to get back to it. Pretty much everything non-essential got buried under mounds of ALA-centric tasks, and I'm only now starting to get caught up. I'll do my best to get to you as soon as I can. And also, if you can spare any think-positive or re-organizational tips, or even just some good vibes, send 'em this way. That'd be really super awesome, and much appreciated.
I'm feeling a bit the same way at the moment. I'm adrift. In December I decided to move to full time student sans job. Right now I'm in the middle of a month off.
'A month off would be fantastic!' many would say. Not for me. Not exactly. I don't know what to do. I'm getting a few little things done, but I'm missing the grand purpose of what I'm going for at the moment.
I think I'm going to leave town for a little while. I'm not quite sure where I'm going. I need to be alone. Not to be lonely, but I need to understand and feel and be ok with BEING alone. It's been too long that I've felt the need for people around; I want to get comfortable in my own skin again. [The previous paragraph has nothing to do with being cut adrift - apparently my subconscious wanted to rant a bit.]
I hope things get better for you, Janer. It will, actually. It might take a little bit to get back to a comfortable spot, but you'll get there. I offer you hugs in the meantime.