Last week, LJ user Cereta posted this essay: On Rape and Men. I thought it was very good, and reminded me that I should've blogged about these two projects a long time ago:
Open Source Women Back Each Other Up Project (and Gentleman's Auxiliary) (see also: here and here)
While I'm reasonably good at standing up for myself, there have been many times when I've been grateful for the intervention of a friend in an uncomfortable situation. Exercise your best judgment, of course -- don't go around white knighting where it's unnecessary -- but most times when it looks like the other person could use your help? They probably could.
Jane.
Thank you for these links.
Yes, not all guys are "like that," but too many of us are. And that is not okay. Like White Privilege, this problem exists. What will we do about it?
I especially appreciated the advice about how to intervene when you see a relative (or total) stranger in a bad place. We nice guys often have a hard time judging whether our intervention is needed or wanted, so the low-key, no-big-deal, non-confrontational methods suggested in the links will be very helpful to many.
I agree; I really liked the lists of suggestions of ways to intervene in a scene you feel is an unwanted advance scenario. I know I have the hang-up of "Well, it's a problem, but I don't want to be rude" kind of crap, when most of the solutions stated have two endpoints: either you've mis-read the situation and the victim says "Piss off" and you walk away, or you get someone out of an uncomfortable situation. Being the big lunk I am, I really should just bank more on that and use my "large guy-ness" for good rather than "non-action". Good links!
Oh, I nearly forgot.
I have two small boys, and they are very affectionate fellows. They love to hug people--each other, their parents and grandparents, their friends, everyone. But sometimes, the person doesn't want a hug. That's when I tell the boys, "Hugs are only nice if both people want to be hugging." I think they get it.
By the same token, if for some reason they don't want to kiss old Auntie Muriel, and Auntie Muriel gets upset, I'll tell her the same thing. No means no, and nothing gives anybody the right to touch my sons without their okay.
It's my hope that my boys will internalize this, and learn that there's no reason /anybody/ should be coerced into so much as an unwanted hug.
Fathers of sons? I hope you'll do something similar.
This is a beautiful response. Thanks, LimeyFish.