Soak three cups of kidney beans overnight.
Go to basement and find two quarts of jealously guarded, organic, home-grown, home-canned tomato sauce.
Wash crock pot. Add beans and soak-water.
Dump in both quarts of tomato sauce.
Fill jars half full with water to remove every last molecule of sauce. Slosh around, prepare to add rinse-water to crockpot.
Notice with horror that there is a crack running the entire length of one jar.
Pause to consider. Both jars still had seal.
Haul out colander. Think about trying to save beans. Rinse beans.
Realize there's no way to get the beans all the way clean. Consider boiling beans. Think about tiny shards of broken glass.
Chuck beans. Wash crockpot thoroughly.
Return to basement, find two more quarts of jealously guarded, organic, home-grown, home-canned tomato sauce. Carefully inspect jars. Thump seal on both. Return to kitchen.
Dump in both quarts of tomato sauce.
Fill jars half full with water to remove every last molecule of sauce. Slosh around, prepare to add rinse-water to crockpot.
Notice with horror that there are multiple small cracks, previously invisible, around the bottom of one jar.
Invent new swear words. Dump sauce down drain. Wash crockpot again, this time with bleach and boiling water, just to be sure.
Send up a prayer of thanks that this little kitchen nightmare constitutes only an inconvenience, and not a financial disaster. Remember times when losing so much food would have meant cadging dinner from friends. Remember thousands of other families who would go hungry, or make different choices based on fewer options.
Return to basement. Stare mournfully at four empty slots on shelf. Count remaining jars, heave sigh of dejection. Select two more quarts of jealously guarded, organic, home-grown, home-canned tomato sauce. Carefully inspect jars. Thump seal on both. Return to kitchen.
Find black turtle beans that do not require pre-soaking. Rinse, add to crockpot.
Obsessively check quart jars. Thump seals again.
Dump in both quarts of sauce. Add rinse-water. Sigh with relief when both jars are sound.
Fry pound of ground venison until dark brown and add to pot.
Scavenge fridge. Chop and add celery, onion, garlic, sweet corn, green bell peppers.
Add cumin and chili powder to taste, along with fresh-ground black pepper and healthy dollop of Rooster sauce.
Cook in crockpot for five hours.
Makes five quarts; serve with side of gratitude.
Yay not having to worry about food storage!
Some thoughts for next time?
- Empty each jar into its own bowl before using, testing the jar thoroughly before adding sauce to mix.
- Did you overpack your canner or not use a rack, causing the jars to smack into one another during canning?
- Consider freezing instead of canning, in Ziplocs with all the air pressed out?