JanerBlog

I don't need no Civil War.

I've mostly refrained from talking about comics (and the comics business) of late, because I'm just too damn busy to smack the flypaper that is internet comics douchebaggery. I have a book to finish. I just do. not. have. time. I am too busy lighting candles to spend any time cursing the darkness.

But you know, having just read Marvel's Civil War #7? I'm utterly astonished at how truly *bad* it is. Not the art, mind. I feel pretty bad for Steve Niven, who does beautiful work, even if he never passes up an opportunity to do torn-costume or ass-and-boobie shots. This script is inferior to his work.

The thing that really set me off was the horriffically mysogynistic last few pages -- between Reed's letter to Sue and Tony Stark's parting "har-de-har, little lady", I was physically enraged to the point of wanting to punch somebody, preferably a fictitious character, or an editor.

If you haven't read Civil War, don't fucking well bother. Instead, read Civil War In Thirty Seconds, which will take less time, cost less money, and will not leave you full of apoplexy. There were also some really awesome parodies kicking around Scans_Daily ("God DAMN it, Frank! Quit Dialoguing!") but I seriously can't be arsed to find them. That's how much I hated this series.

Criminy pete, what a horrendous year it's been for superhero comics, especially for new readers. Between Civil War and Identity Crisis, the only decent things worth reading have been Runaways, Nextwave, and (though it's been hit-or-miss lately) Astonishing X-Men. No-adjective X-Men is an incoherent (albeit pretty) mess; the Morrison-Quitely Superman has been very well-drawn and relatively well-written, but makes me all up with the crazy with their treatment of Lois; the Dodson Wonder Woman's been cancelled. Though Paul brings home a considerable number of single issues each week, hell if I care about most of them. They're worth reading while I'm on the throne, but not good for much else.

I've been thinking lately that corporate comics are an awful lot like corporate automakers. Bear with me here, the analogy's thin, but I'm sitting here in Michigan, and the comparison's getting more apt by the day, as each business' products fall further away from public demand.

See, each of these corporate monstrosities spends a ton of time wringing its collective hands and saying "Gosh, people just don't seem to be buying what we're selling. We're losing buyers all the time." So they make a big fuss and bother about asking people what they want. Talking about marketing to specific demographics. Attracting "soccer moms" or "NASCAR Dads" or asking "What do women want?" But in the end, they just turn around and keep delivering the same exact horseshit product they always have, with no real understanding of what the consumer market really wants, or needs, and exhibit no actual desire to learn. They make these little feints at satisfying their clients' requests, but in the long run, they have no intention whatsoever of making any critical change, and unfortunately they still have a large enough market of diehard brand-loyal consumers that they're not forced to make any radical choices. They want money more than they want actual progress, whether it's delivering yet another pre-cancelled, ass-and-boob filled book starring an off-target, weak-willed, half-realized reimagining of a "big-name" superheroine that's touted as "for the girls", or delivering the same damn huge, unsafe SUVs that that they've sold for the last ten years, which now offer an additional three miles to the gallon, and bear a fancy "green" emblem. Look at how revolutionary we are! We're forward thinkers! We're giving the consumer what they want!

Please. Spare me the handwaving, the maudlin theatrical "self scrutiny", and the smoke-and-mirrors unless you're planning to deliver an actual, functional payoff. In the meantime, I'll be driving a VW and reading indie comics. Both are better built, more reliable, more enjoyable, and give me more bang for my buck.