JanerBlog

Hamstergirl

I've been a good little hamster this week, and have gone to the gym each morning of my days off.

The primary entertainment at said gym is a large bank of televisions, located directly in front of the cardio machines. Since audio tracks from six different televisions would be deafening, they instead turn off the sound to all but one (usually ESPN) and put the closed-captioning on the rest.

The oddest things to watch with the sound off are music videos. There's usually one TV tuned to MTV, one to MTV2, and one to VH1. For the last month, between the three stations, I've seen maybe ten or fifteen music videos, over and over and over and over again.

Since there's no audio, and I know very few of the musicians involved, the conclusions that I draw are probably not what the video producers intended:

• Justin Timberlake is now leading a step aerobics class in a flourescent-light-warehouse. This class requires that all white women and men wear baggy clothes and perform spastic, uninteresting "dance routines", and that all women of color dress and act like complete skankwhores.


• There's a rapper named Jibbs, and he has a new nametag. He's very proud of his nametag; it has many colored stones set into it (presumably at some expense), and he would like you to see how cool he thinks it is. Thus, he spends an entire video showing it to you.


• Xhibit is a very, very frowny man.


• When My Chemical Romance wears band uniforms, they actually look like skeleton ribcages.


• Fergie is incapable using her newfound fame for anything more productive than simulating fellatio on London's Royal Guard, or writhing around in a babydoll dress. Way to go, Fergie.

More later.